There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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