and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
