Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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