don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
