I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
