Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
