Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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