My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
