My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
