My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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