after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
