Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
