WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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