And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
