I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
