i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
