Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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