so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
