Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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