drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
