I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
