Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
