just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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