Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
