there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm too high and old for this...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
