My hand turned me down
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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