Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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