So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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