walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
