I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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