You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
