help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Two words: nipple clamps
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