I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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