I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
