u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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