she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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