everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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