What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
