his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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