Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
