she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
