im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
