the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
