i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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