he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
