Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I pour the whiskey from now on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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