I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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