Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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