I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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