turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
