do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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