I am midnight drunk by noon
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
