I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
