New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
