I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
