I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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