OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
