We won't sleep together?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
